xingzilah's

Mixed feelings

2011-07-13T13:44:00.001+08:00

I don't know I think its really great to be chosen. But I'm really not up to it. I feel crazy. When the email came, it was like excitement all over. I am really useless.. I cannot do anything right..

July is disappearing fast!

2011-07-09T23:38:00.002+08:00

It seems to be like yesterday when school started but May has past and June is gone... July is disappearing fast!

So many things that I did but no time to take them down in words. Finally watched a movie with Weixin Xiuyu Sijia Sokfong! It's like a promise fulfilled and it makes me indescribably happy.

Anyway, I think I am a complete failure. I just fail at practically everything. Did not made my polytechnic life as happening as I wanted it to be and now its just full of regrets.. Cultivated so many bad habits that made me question whether I am what I made myself out to be. I am nothing amazing. It's not even an ego problem now. I don't know.

Drank Ding Tea and I thought about the many things that happened in Shanghai. So full of memories; so many new friendships made and precious ones lost. It's just amazing when I think about the many things that happened in SH that made me so happy.

-I think the favorite memory that I would choose out of so many many many many many.....

is the scene where Clint, Jasmine and I watched the sunrise from the window of the toilet cubicle at the guy's dorm. It was very much unplanned and so many incidents pre-empted this sunrise which I watched with blurry eyes. I felt an unexplained strong bond and gratefulness for them just being there. That moment was immeasurable.

Stop thinking

2011-06-05T12:32:00.001+08:00

Stop thinking Stop thinking Stop thinking Stop thinking Stop thinking Stop thinking Stop thinking Stop thinking Stop thinking Stop thinking Stop thinking Seriously Stop thinking Stop thinking Stop thinking Stop thinking Stop thinking Seriously Stop thinking Stop thinking Stop thinking Seriously Stop thinking Stop thinking Stop thinking Stop thinking Stop thinking Stop thinking Stop thinking Stop thinking Stop thinking Stop thinking Stop thinking Stop thinking Stop thinking Stop thinking Stop thinking Stop thinking Stop thinking Seriously Stop thinking Stop thinking Stop thinking Stop thinking Stop thinking Stop thinking Stop thinking. Zzzzzzz.

Some things.....

2011-05-30T22:26:00.002+08:00

can never be the same again.

Sometimes you feel so wretched! But you don't know how to express it!

I am screaming now. Helplessly.

...............Can you hear?

Sometimes I don't know whether to do it or not to do it.

Sometimes when you start doing it, nobody accepts it.

Sometimes you can only watch while others do what they want.

Sometimes not everyone agree with you.

Sometimes you never manage to convince them your reason.

Sometimes it just doesn't turn out wrong sometimes.

It is...... always.

And I can never do anything about anything. I am a failure. And I can only watch on. Watch on.

Saw something

2011-05-07T19:44:00.002+08:00

It's back to this feeling that I've lost my goal in life suddenly.

It's like once in a while you will have this feeling that you've lost in a game that you wanted to achieve something in. But after that certain things will appear again to make you look forward to. Then after a while, it's over and then....lost again. And I have to keep looking out for it and count the things that I already have and ask whether is it enough. What can I choose from the choices that I have in front of me after losing some of the choices that I have ranked first.

This is what I hate about social media. You find out too many things. I wanna live in a cave and be oblivious to everything else that is happening so fast. Too fast.

Sooooo many things to do! I wish I can just chuck them aside. I feel so out of breath and it's only the third week. Guess I haven't been training enough in the holidays. But last semester in school.....

Why do I feel like there's so many things I have not done yet and there's no time to complete everything! I am going to live with so many regrets~

Listener

2011-04-23T14:10:00.002+08:00

I'd rather be a follower than an irritating person. I find myself difficult to work with.

Breakups are the most painful.

2011-04-18T23:51:00.002+08:00

At this rate that people are telling me of their breakups........I think I'll never have the courage to get into one myself anytime soon.

Being single is so full of freedom. You don't have to report what you are doing to anyone, you don't have to be responsible for anyone. I think it feels great to be like this because of all my irregular hours of free time for socialising although it feels painful to be alone sometimes.

Sitting in the bus, hoping to have a shoulder to lie on. But when I'm all tired, I really want to be alone. Who can be like this for me? To be toyed as and when I need them. I don't ask for anyone to suffer for me. I can endure the loneliness.

I hope for all my friends who are in the transition of breaking up. Be strong.

Dream On.

2011-03-30T23:17:00.001+08:00

I wanna show off a 6 AD result sheet next sem! Hahahha dream on.
I wanna earn 1.5k at least!! Hahahah dream on.

To see you? I will dream on.

Blessed be he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.

-Alexander Pope

Went to see doctor today. Cos constipation and I finally got my pimple cream!! Yeah major achievement, cos I really needed it badly. The doctor still tell me mine super mild. No Way! But she very friendly. :D

Work was fun today, it was like secondary school all over again cos Cindy and I were passing post-its to each other across the office table. I will miss her so badly after her last day tomorrow. Omg & Cappuccino really shiok. I will miss it the most after I leave work. Will take many many pictures tomorrow, so yeah show you what I've been doing these 2 weeks. Tsk!

Victor damn niceeeeeeeeee. Cos he sends his part-timers home teehee. K thats all.

Oh ya went to school yesterday for BAOC preparation and learnt 3 dances!! Damn cool. I love to learn dancing, but love teaching more. Cant wait for the real thing. K that's all.

I've not listened to Jrock for damn long, am listening to it now and very overwhelming. 'm touched by the song all over again.

&&& I really really love Angeline very very much!!! Hope she gets overseas scholarship!!! & Mavis too cos she wanna treat me to e-awards concert this saturday!

My whole heart super overwhelming now, maybe before sleep will cry a bit. Really.

That feeling, when you start working, you really start missing and cherishing your friends and family a lot. No words can explain how much I love the 2 of them. & Huiling. The secondary 1 bonds really so strong.

Emails emails..

2011-03-23T13:51:00.005+08:00

I've been on the tip of my toes waiting for precious emails for the whole week. And when the replies finally came, the feeling is like whoaaa...

Yeah. That feeling.

Been disappointed over some rejections but one application finally got approved!! But I don't know what to do now, scared to move on. Omg. I'll be crazy to stop it now.

ANYWAY, yesterday was first day of office job at the Central Square. Really boring until can die, why? Cos there's no freedom to move around and do anything that you like. It's like your every breath and swallowing of saliva can be heard cos the office is super quiet. I almost fell asleep but money is worth it. I work for the money. For now lah, that is.

Oh man, I feel damn bad for not going school to help out in the baoc preparations =( but am seriously tired and feeling sick. Like headache then whole body no energy. Work whooooole day in freezing air con place then I fell sick. I wonder if I can hold out till 15th April. =/

Oh and I almost submitted this picture for the job application for Frolick LOL

P.s. You know this photo as taken by my sis cos I was practicing my smile for the passport photo! ==!

First day with new Samsung Galaxy.....

2011-03-14T00:35:00.000+08:00

MINI!!!!

Yes! It's not Samsung Galaxy S! Just MINI! But still, good enough that I got 3G and Wifi! :D

Anyway the past week has been hectic, schedule packed fully from morning till night all the way till Tuesday or Wednesday I think. Still packing activities in!
So anyway I was at BAOC Group 7's bonding camp from 7th March till 10th March at Changi Village and it was damn awesome! We had steamboat finale!

My group Slyvester! We were super zai for every games I think, especially Amazing Race on the third day! Super fun to be with! ♥♥♥

My family! ♥♥♥♥♥♥ haha very extended family tree! I'm the youngest!

Some of the girls! Alexia, Germaine, Debra, Me and Eileen! ♥♥

& more people squeeze in to take photo together! ♥♥

Full group photo! with many missing people though! ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Omg, really best camp I went for (although sports camp would be best if I did went). I was feeling tired most of the time and they were all Year 1s!

So yeah, they were really nice too and I achieved a secret mission that I told myself I must do before I went! So the feeling after I came home is like shiok!
Reached home at like 1pm after walking around Tampines with Esther mama and we chatted a lot on the bus! Then I watched 3 episodes of Dream High, unpacked everything.

Friday 11th March, went for work at Tuas, got freaking stucked in jam and reached Joo Koon only at 9.30am. So yeah did the surveys, ended at 1pm and got a lift to Clarke Quay. I was suppose to head to Far East Plaza to sign the contract thing at 3.30pm so I can get my pay. So I slowly strolled the streets, bought Gong Cha at Scape and reached just nice at 3.20pm. Left at 4pm and went to Rosyth School to apply for relief teacher! But I think I got rejected, maybe shall go try Zhonghua haha
Accomplished so many things in one day, really tired like dog.

Saturday 12th March had to go for a briefing at SIM Namly Ave for the entreprenuer interviewing assignment 10am to 12pm. After that I met Mavis at the real SIM, beside NP for the open house! A lot free popcorn! Then we went to listen in on Psychology and Sociology, but I kind of fell asleep cos eyelids really damn heavy. Then we left at 5pm? Didn't sleep when I went home some more, and watched tv with the kids.

Sunday had to go back to school again for the Melrose Children's Home briefing at 11am. Like crap, my transport fare really $20 gone. Anyway, we did some modifying to some of the games and played a lot ice breaker in the SUN!!! Heatstroke seriously! But was fun, cos everyone damn happy :D Had macs with Jasmine, Jiahan, Yuanling, Rebecca, Esther, Sijia, Xiuyu, Yinching :D

Photos are not with me, but in Jiahan's new DSLR!

Then I went to Bishan met my family and got the Samsung Galaxy MINI! So yeah, reached home slept 3 hours, need to wake at 8am again tml for the actual event! Activities packed like siao! Goodness, even worse than exams, more tiring and my legs kind of broke after the camp cos we ran from Marina Bay MRT to Raffles MRT.

=(
BUT I LOVE MY LIFE NOW, EXCITING LIKE MAD, CHIONGING FOR JOBS!
BYE!

Last day!

2011-03-04T00:13:00.003+08:00

Am searching for jobs desperately. That number is still in my contacts, maybe when I get despo enough then I will just heck and call. Then maybe get rejected because that was in classified like one week ago. But still....

Ahhhhhh, no mood no mooooood

Show you cute shanghai boy. ♥

I look hideous in comparison ==!

Dream High~

2011-02-26T17:08:00.002+08:00

Just finished Episode 10! Spent 2 hours on it omg.

HAHA I also have!! But because of this thing, kena scolded by mom for the whole day tsk!

I walked pass my secondary school todayyyy, bought bubble tea then walked to Hougang Point, bought McChicken burger then walked freaking back in the hot sun. Really bad decision tsk! Came home, really cannot stand it, and keep banging table ==!

And why is it so difficult to make that phone call! Saved the number in my phone for days and still dont dare to call! It's going to frustrate me to death uhhhhh

L for Loveeeee

2011-02-25T23:51:00.003+08:00

I watched this today!! For the second time~ And if you are doubting, you can check my archives in February 2010! Coincidentally, it's been exactly 1 year since I've last watched it! This is how they air shows huhhh hahha

Alex Fong is shuai as ever!! ♥♥♥♥

Somehow, today's progress is like shit and the exam is tomorrow. zzzzzzz I hope I'm not taking it too easy cos I'm gonna reap what I sow. And no matter how I keep recapping, I just keep forgetting. There's definitely a limit to how much a brain can take uhh.

Studyinggggg

2011-02-23T21:07:00.000+08:00

Productive studying!! At the best place I've ever found. You can slowly guess where =)

(I know it's Macs! But seriously there are many Macs in sg okayyy tsk!)

And you know how I absolutely abhor people who blog about how productive their studying session is COS it just makes you feel stressed out that you are lagging way behind and the paper is in 2 days. So I shall not blog about it tsk!

And focus on my injury that I got while cycling to MACS. Tsk!

I brought the damn marketing book along in my bag which was heavier than my freaking laptop. I was panting and out of breath already lor.

At least it wasn't the dripping blood kind. Anyway, I kind of spent 4 hours on the Product chapter and finished the Pricing chapter in panic (like half an hour?) cos it started to rain heavily.

I am what I am today because of the choice I made yesterday.

2011-02-20T16:41:00.001+08:00

I sincerely wants to study really hard and for once in my life, walk into an exam hall confidently, knowing that I have all the knowledge needed in my brain!

You know, that feeling where you know you can just answer questions without giving it a second thought. How shiok!

But O levels.... I didnt even manage to do this and every single time I will walk into an exam hall thinking that I haven't studied enough. & worst having to speculate whether the answer I wrote is really really really correct. Only to leave the hall at the end, and find out it's wrong!

Please studyyyyyyyyyyyy! But......
I've already wasted the whole afternoon staring at an obsolete facebook mainpage and tons of blogs and videos.

I am really going to regret it very much. But I cannot do anything about it. But why can't I? Why my brain doesn't go with my heart, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why

If boyfriend was as cute as this ♥

I guess...

2011-02-16T17:27:00.005+08:00

Only when thinking of painful things, do songs sound painful.
But the pain do fade away.

I'm not really sticking to my planned out schedule, it's always the same thing over again when exams come. But come to think of it, days like this are going to end soon. It feels reaaaaally weird when I've been studying all my life and then picturing myself not doing this anymore. Howwwwwww~ I dont wanna graduate! But I dont want exams!

Anyway my exam schedule:
21st Feb 2011 - Econs 10am-12pm
26th Feb 2011 - Principles of Marketing 9-11am
2nd Mar 2011 - Finance of International Trade 2.30-4.30pm
3rd Mar 2011 - Accounting Application Analysis 2.30-4.30pm
4th Mar 2011 - Service Operations Management 2.30-4.30pm

Okay, Good luck!

Scars

2011-01-30T18:19:00.002+08:00

This song is awesome. My mind cannot think straight when this song plays. The tune really grips at my heart.

I suppose it'll have a different feel when sung in a different language.
Even when you are happy, this song takes all of it away, just like Dementors.

It'll be with me for quite long just like how Zhang Yun Jing's playlist was played at least 50 times a day especially during exams. But I'm not sure if I can concentrate on exams with this song. Why does it sound so painful?

So beautiful

2011-01-17T21:40:00.003+08:00

Sometimes it just gets stressful. Sometimes it piles up so high, you dont know to get started on which first. So tired, but you can't stop or everyone will overtake you.

Just like a race.

Just like an endless race.

Endless.

Endless.

Contradicting

2011-01-11T22:36:00.002+08:00

I try to save and scrimp on my every meal in school and spend less than $3 per day only to let you think that I'm the most spendthrift in the family. Just because I never bring 1 bread to school for only 1 day. Only today and I'm anyhow spending money outside.

I can simply just starve to death just to save that fucking $3. But what for?
Might as well eat a nice and good meal since I'm still gonna be the worst in the family.
They eat all those expensive and not filling food in school and I try to eat the cheapest but I'm still the most spendthrift.

From now on, I wont care anymore. Why eat until so uncomfortable just wanting to save that bit of money which you think I'm wasting outside.

I'm not talking back today. I'm going to eat luxuriously from now on. Really. Sometimes it's not that I don't want to do better just to prove that what you say about me is wrong. Sometimes, whatever I do is never enough.

Not even internship can serve as my best motivation now. All my motivation is gone, there's nothing for me to work towards. I can fail all my exams, I can spend money like I'm rich because that's what I am in your eyes.

I wont wait for you to give up on me. I will give up on myself first.

ZZZZZ

2011-01-11T01:28:00.003+08:00

Quarreled with mom again. Damn. Why am I always so bad to her!!! I already say I wont complain so much about that kid anymore.

Maybe she's right. Maybe I'm gonna swear off facebook just to be my god-damn-it GOOD ROLE MODEL. Still thinking about the videos, dont knw how to swear off it. A bit heart pain. My new best friends shall be newspapers and maybe some Tang poems and I'll recite Tang poems everyday at home. See how those asshole kids misbehave.

You wanna me do until this, I can do it one. Think I everyday watch videos, play games can get until above 80 for results? Damn it, I'm not a talent. I freaking study hard and earn it by studying but you always never freaking see it. When I finally finish my exams and rest by watching videos, you'll see EVERYTHING clearly.

Damn it, I earn it myself one leh! F! You dont see how much effort I really put in because I really want to do well. You dont see how much I regret for getting those freaking lousy O levels results. You probably see no hope in a poly kid anymore.

Ya damnit I myself see no hope in being in a poly! F!
Poly = failure for life! Hate myself for coming poly. F!

Talent? Luck?

2011-01-10T01:55:00.001+08:00

Sometimes it's just luck, not talent! But you get more annoyed at people who score by luck rather than talent right!

And whats the point of scoring so well to know everyone else is unhappy! Get top scholar also not happy already lo! Like kena blame for a crime! =(

GETTING GOOD SCORE IS A CRIME! DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOU ARE IN A JAIL?

Weekends were gooooooooood! Way goooood! Free of tests and every other stress. Naturally, homeworks are not done ==!

Junyong, Wangbadan they all came to find me at NP Open House on Friday! Funny that its this group of "juniors" that came looking for me. And first time I kena scolded the F word so many times in one day. Dont know if I should be happy or angry that they came but it was still fun.

O levels release today! Good luck to them and every other person getting in Xinmin! :D

Feeeeeels soooooo weird to be YEAR 3!!!! Damnit. SO OLD!!

Unexpected

2011-01-06T02:02:00.002+08:00

It's totally unexpected when a person's average ability suddenly rise to an extreme. Exams arent neccessary a true accurate gauge of a person's ability and intelligence. When a person's true effort is not reflected and when a person who got away with luck does not show anything much. Marks is not what I care at all, but is whether a person's character and ability allows one to survive in the society ultimately. I'll remain true to my own expectations because I am but a lazy person who doesnt wish to put in effort but want to reap the benefits.

I have no obligation to prove to anyone my worth. I will not allow anyone to put pressure on me just for doing well once.

Like a graph, extremities are outliers. Just do what you can. What others can do does not affect your own future. Everyone has their own happiness. Work towards what you want and you'll be happy.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2011-01-02T02:42:00.002+08:00

First post of the year! Supposed to happily welcome the new year, but what is the difference of another year. Nothing changes. Life still has it's sadness and yeah I'm kind of sad right now?

Worth. How much does this word weighs? I dont know. I'll just do the part I'm given with. What right do I have to question people's work, I am not as smart neither do my comments matter. If I didn't do anything, I wouldn't fight to take credit. Am feeling so mixed and confused now. To do or not to do.

I will continue to do my best in this new year. Because every new year washes all the sins of the past and allows one to take another chance to live a better life! I cannot remember everything I've done in the past 525600 minutes but I know it is that very year I finally travelled further than Malaysia and the Phillipines...........to China! It is the very year I learnt so many things about family and friends and did many bad things. I'm past 18 years of age and it's finally time to grow up! And lastly, I think I've finally settled for local internship! Because it is the reality and overseas internship is but a dream.

Someday

2010-12-29T14:37:00.002+08:00

I will be

a butterfly.

Then everything

will get better.

Friendship

2010-12-15T01:15:00.000+08:00

Oh I realised I changed my password for everything except my email????? Doesnt seem to have any problem leh, should be fine? =D
Yeah so I find the need to blog today despite the tiredness that is overwhelming me both physically after walking the entire day today and mentally on my poor brains for working so hard since 6am this morning.

Today I heard the sweetest thing that is ever said to me and it was such a niceeeee feeling that I cannot help feeling touched! It was so sincere that I really felt honest feelings of happiness after all the pmsing recently.

Cos you see today all of us were like shopping halfway then suddenly all of them outburst and demand that I just tell them what I want for my birthday. & I stun. LOL cos they cant think of anything that I want and I couldnt think of anything that I would want more than internship money so I was like saying I dont need anything and why never ask Jasmine and Sokfong what they want!
& Weixin was like Sokfong already said she want the bagpack ah and Jasmine say she dont need anything. So I was like I also dont need anything leh!

Then Weixin said "Jasmine say dont need cos if she need something, Jiahan will buy for her, but you leh? Huh? You want thing then who will buy for you? So we will buy for you lah."

It was likeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee I was like so touched cos for once in my life I feel that having friends who say things like this is even more worth it than having a boyfriend who sweet talk you every single night. I really really feel touched when Weixin ask who will buy for me even though it may seem like a normal sentence that has no meaning. But I just felt everything. Felt for once that the luck in not having a boyfriend. It feels for once that I'm treated of existence and that we can all depend on each other no matter what happens. And to me, that is very sincere and I'm so touched by everything that matters in this friendship we have. All of us. & I really really wish to express how important each and every one of you are and let you all know how much I really treasure all of this friendships.

It is only after passing the most difficult stage that I (and maybe we) realise the innnocence and the very basic meaning of a friendship and I'm glad I went through it and truthfully I really want to spend all my lectures sitting with all of you even though we can remain silent through the whole 2 hours, all my lunchtimes just sitting there with all of you even if we are not eating, spending 1 hour just to decide where to eat all together even though we all hate to waste time like this, having fun turning up for classes together, always having to squeeze in the lifts because there are too many of us, always planning group outings that never happens most of the times and so many many other experiences together.....
because I know we will not go through all these again and when we turn back to look at the memories, these are the scenes that will be replayed, and will be remembered most fondly.

Even with all the unhappiness, I will still miss being like this once we graduate.

Because happiness comes only after all the unhappiness.

Always be nice.

2010-12-12T23:03:00.002+08:00

Even when everyone turn their backs on you, even when your family turn their backs on you, be nice. And swallow a humble pie.

Worried

2010-12-06T22:04:00.004+08:00

School was quite smooth today, had lunch with Weixin Sokfong Yiling Caiyan Xiuyu Sijia Yinching. & I just remembered we actually wanted to take a group photo at the end of the day but we didnt! And it's fun talking about how we gonna do christmas exchange, some more it's even more fun since there's so many of us!

Today, he called me for the first time in a week and said that he went back to school to take exams and talked about Ding Tea in Taiwan and my battery went flat lol

Angeline! This is him!!

hahahhaa

Yeah so this post is actually about how worried I am right now cos I received an email supposedly from Twitter about someone requesting to follow me but then the postmaster email address looks weird but I dont know what took over me and I just clicked the link which brought me to twitter.com and seemed like it's for real so I just typed in my username and password just like that!!!!!!

Why am I so agitated about this is that everytime I suspect it's a scam email, I still continue doing it without thinking first!! Last time really kena virus until com crash, now I dont know! I went back to check my emails again and realised that that person has already followed me on twitter!!! Which is 100% confirm scam email so I went to change ALLLLLL my passwords but oh god. I dont even use twitter and it's trying to kill me like this. Poor lappy, please be safe.

Mood swinged

2010-12-06T01:14:00.000+08:00

Today was like a super unlucky day! Cos my family went to eat yong tao foo at this famous place and like the first bad thing that happened was one of the waiter boy dropped a plate of tomato right behind me and everything splashed on my shirt.
I couldnt see how bad it was, cos it's at the back of my shirt so okay.

Then Mom found a centipede in the big plate of yong tao foo! @$!%$#^$#!$!@%$@^$# This is like the first time I ever experienced this in my life, even though I thought it will never happen to me when I see cockroaches in soups on tv. Which is like !@€$#@%$#%!@# Shit.

And after that I was feeling so dirty after seeing the actual thing.

And I wanna go home baaaaaaaadly to clean up. But my family just sat there to rest and playground, obviously dont know how (dirty) I'm feeling and (dajie) still shout at me. Fine.

Conclusion: I need to do more charity work.

Then finally met up with the best people in my life!!
=DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

At The Nex Serangoon. =D
Met Angeline and Xinyi first, walked around, Debbie arrived =D
Went to the Japanese food court, Mavis arrived =D
Dinnered at the ramen place which I sincerely cannot remember the name but the food tasted great! I loveeeeeeeed it. =D
Finally gave them the presents I got from Shanghai! =D
Hope they liked it! =D
Then we went to Macs to plan the next few outings hehehehhehehehhehehehe =D

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3>

when love cant be put into words, use symbols. hee

Enlightenment

2010-12-02T10:49:00.002+08:00

School was fine yesterday.

Quiet

2010-11-29T22:49:00.000+08:00

Kept thinking and thinking whether to take Marketing or Entrepreneurship. Think think think until this morning 10am, Esther msg that the ranking option also closed at 9am.

WHAT THE? I didnt even chose anything at all ==!

Went to school a bit later than usual today, had headache the whole of yesterday and this morning. Sucks to have such a heavy head especially when the headache comes only when the sun appears.
Saw Yuxiang at the printing shop and the scene was funny cos his friend saw me first and it seemed like he recognised me for maybe-I-know-what and he stun a while then poked Yuxiang. LOL

For the first time I didnt feel like attending lecture so I took my time, chatted a while, strolled to the lecture hall. School was fine, settled my ranking options during lunch with Esther, Yin Ching, Jasmine and Jiahan. Fate has decided, it's Marketing, just hope I get in instead of Human Resource cos my future plans have not include HR, yet. =/

Stayed back after school for a while with Rebeccaaaaaaaaa LOL
I SAW HIM AT THE STAIRS THERE LO HAHA NOT BAD LAH A BIT TALL ONLY ;DDDD

Friends?

2010-11-27T17:52:00.000+08:00

Today WT asked me this question.
"So do you still like him?"

"We'reee... friendsssss." ...are we?

"Oh really ahhhh kekekke."

yeah I think so.... "Ya lah!"

I don't know. Do you still treat me as a friend? I don't know what is going through your mind. Maybe you have already decided, but I'm still stuck. It feels like we are a couple that went separate paths and met each other again by chance a few years later, awkwardly. But we are not.

Do you rather not see me?

.....then we better not meet by chance again.

BEAST

2010-11-19T23:18:00.002+08:00

Omg!!! Why is BEAST so cuteeeeeee. Why are all of them so cute?! I can like watch them all the timeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

All their performances are so funny and their dances are like so cuteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee omg im in heaven

Moodless

2010-11-19T01:14:00.000+08:00

Went to school today for Korean lesson. Was so lazy to get my butt out of the house! But it was a good choice! Korean lesson was fun today :D

Cant wait for A levels to end! Heheehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe just thinking about it is making me smileeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. secretly. hehehehhehehehehee.

Btw I think I'm a stayover freak. All the cliques I belong are into stayovers. =D
& Mom said NO to staying over on Tuesday at Jasmine's place! HOWWWWWWWWWWW.

Oh I'm a loner freak too. I am one who would find boyfriends irritating when I'm playing stupid facebook games, or watching videos, or just being busy with some crappy stuff (like being sleepy and tired).
I'm always 'busyyyyyyy' so I don't look friends up unless I am just so super bored and have enough energy to move and I feel the need to see you sooooooooo badly =(. Yes I make a very bad friend. Befriend me if you dareeeeee hahahahahaha. Dont feeel worried if I dont look you up, it doesn't mean I don't love you anymore. I still do! =D

Have recently been forgetting to sign in on msn. There's some problems and I am too lazy to care. So no worries. Not that I think anyone is worrying HAHA. I'm so used to being aloneeeeeeeeee that I don't feel anything anymoreeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Goodnight. Morning lesson tml and it's freaking 1 am. The face mask that I did is wasted. I suck. man.

Sometimes you wish you could read someone's mind. To find out if you made the right choice.

Dreams.

2010-11-17T23:35:00.000+08:00

Now I know why dreams are called dreams.

I always thought that as long as you want it so badly, you can make a dream become possible. But I found out that it is only when reality is impossible, then it becomes a dream.

Overseas internship?
How much do I want it? How much do I need it? Will the money spent be worth it?
It's like taking a risk. With the last bit of money and hope that I have left. And once it fails, I'll lose everything.

Then you tell yourself, it's only an internship. It's not like, once you go for it, you'll become a millionaire.
Then...
..maybe it won't seem so important to me anymore.

Only the poor are idiots.

Sad

2010-11-14T01:35:00.002+08:00

Am still a bit upset and worried over yesterday's phone conversation. Why am I not as firm? =(

Worried.... Worried.... Worried.... Worried.... Worried.... Worried.... Worried.... Worried.... Worried.... Worried.... Worried....

Worried.... Worried.... Worried....

Worried.... Worried.... Worried.... Worried.... Worried.... Worried.... Worried.... Worried.... Worried.... Worried.... Worried....

Worried.... Worried.... Worried.... Worried.... Worried.... Worried....
Worried.... Worried....
Worried.... Worried.... Worried....
Worried.... Worried.... Worried.... Worried.... Worried.... Worried.... Worried....
Worried....
Worried.... Worried.... Worried.... Worried.... Worried.... Worried....
Worried.... Worried.... Worried....

Worried.... Worried.... Worried.... Worried.... Worried.... Worried.... Worried.... Worried.... Worried.... Worried....
Worried.... Worried....
Worried....

Tumblr?

2010-11-12T18:52:00.000+08:00

Hmmm is there a tumblr photo that expresses how the girl writes all about him in her diary and how that boy writes all about another girl in his diary instead.

Superficial.

2010-11-12T17:44:00.000+08:00

I found out people whom I was never aware that they knew my blog have been reading and I really appreciate when you ask me what happen and care to know. This kind of situations makes me feel more happy than getting stabbed or banged by a car (so that you know who really cares when you die). LOL thanks very muchiiiie! :D

Yeah, recently just found out about some things and I thought that maybe I shouldnt force people to talk to me if they dont wish to. I rather you just ignore me totally than pretend to be happy that you like talking to me. Dont have to make up excuses to avoid talking to me, tell me straight in the face. I get hints, and I know my limits. I'm not that scary, am I? I'm not going to get upset over something that is not worth my time. I'd rather talk to people with sincerity. It's not about looks all the time, anyone can be beautiful if they like it. End of story. Dont ask about this. LOL

Anyway, the word that I use to describe my life now is Superficial. Very very superficial, in everything. I dont know why and I find it difficult trying to improve a superficial bond. I'm pretending and trying to avoid. Hope things will get better.

Dont assume that I am in a bad mood or I have a serious problem that I'm don't want to say. LOL the answer to this post is PMS. LOL yes moody time of the month.

Happy Deepavali

2010-11-06T13:45:00.004+08:00

Went to my Aunt and Uncle's place for the public holiday at Yew Tee to stayover and played mahjong till 3am. Won quite a lot surprisingly, no idea why.

The next day we went Lot 1 to play arcade because the library was not opened. It was super funny, we just keep topping up money because we need more tickets to exchange for the stuff that they want. Then we had LJS which tasted sooooo nice cos I think I didnt have it in a veryyyyy long time already :D

Bought sushi ingredients and a dress thingy and shoes for Waipo then we went home! After which, we met at the Koufu at Yew Tee to eat U-mian! I dont know whyyyy but I think it's the best that I've ever tasted lehhhhhh.

And after that Yuxiang drove us home, which is like super nice of him cos it's like so far awayyyy so yeah really owe him one. Then we went Chomp Chomp to meet up with those we can come for the gathering. Only a few turned up so yeah quite sad. But still, I went because Chomp Chomp is sooo near my house, if it was like meet up at CCK or Woodlands I probably wont go too lol.

After that, they decided to go ECP to chillllllll, so like 10 of us went there and Joyce and Kenny left early cos they were not feeling well then we slacked in Coffeebean and chit chatted which was veryyyyyy fun :D

Home at 1.30am. I feeeeeeel soooooooo relaxed! But I know it wont last. Soon, it'll be back to troubles again.

BACKKKK

2010-10-27T11:29:00.002+08:00

Yeahhhh I'm back! It has been a fruitful trip with happiness and tears! I know that if I don't sum up what happened in this 1 month, I would have to let you read a 28page document. So I don't know if you'd prefer to read my 28 page journal because I jotted down every single small thing and feeling and it was great!

Memories that'll last. Shanghai, my love. With the 40 of us and the overseas friends we made.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

2010-09-19T22:22:00.000+08:00

TO REBECCA GOH MIN YEE!! hahahhaahha there the girl in my previous post ~

18 le hor, very big le hor, my MAMA :D but still haven grow up one hahha
EAT MORE GROW TALLER AND STAY PRETTY!! LOVE YOU!

Off to Shanghai!

2010-09-17T00:18:00.004+08:00

Hehehehheehhehehehehehehe. Taken at Suntec City's G2000 i think. Haha Rebecca wanna test her camwhore skills. We took it in front of the big big mirror!!!!! So if slant, then really nothing to say LOL

I'm like using this for my facebook display pic, msn display pic and even flaunting here! Yeah I'm not pretty, so I'm happy when finally got one pretty photo HAPPY?!

Yeah babeyyyy! I am going to Shanghai next Monday 20th September for study trip! After what happened today, I am not happy at all!!!!!! Why I have to pay so muchhhhhh =( Hint:$1700+
Hmmm, dont know, got mixed feelings, wanna go badly, but after hearing people pay only $40, I really feel damn lose out, or like totally not worth it at all?

But I dont know, will be split with my poly friends also, so like not worth it. I dont know! I really dont know! Just stay unhappy lor all the way till 23rd October!

Come send me off if you wanna! 9am @ Changi Airport Terminal 3. Maybe will feel happier on the plane. A lot of rules also you know, damn scared of the penalties. Really need to learn dancing! Ngee Ann's all about dancing. Why do I worry so much? I also dont know.

SO I heard there's no facebook access, no msn, no whatsoever, so yeah no contact for 1 month. I might wanna have a blog to do my study trip journal of 50% of the grades!!! Yeah then can jot down all the thoughts and happenings, COOL?!
VERY COOL!

Hmm yeah not much thoughts right now. I also dont know.

Anyway, sometimes its better to not know some things. Just kill me another round k thanks.

Sincerity

2010-09-07T14:53:00.000+08:00

How do you know if you are appreciated?
I dont know, sometimes you go all out of your way to do something for someone. & it feels horrible to not know if the person appreciated it or not.

I would appreciate I think, just that sometimes I dont show it? No, I really do appreciate all the little things people do, all the little things that happens. I am more sensible than you think I am, just that I choose to remain my mentality of a 5 year old.

Honestly, I really dont wanna grow up. I dont wanna act like a mature lady. I dont wanna walk around in heels strutting my stuff. I dont wanna always have to look for guys to help with the heavy stuff. I dont wanna dress pretty and end up being embarrassed when you fall.

I like going down on my knees to fix things. I like jumping around in slippers. I like being comfortable in big sized clothes rather than tight fitting ones to show body curves. I wanna eat drumsticks with my fingers and smack my lips rather than spend hours on it with fork and spoons.

Yes, I have a barbaric background, but thats what I am. Look down on me if you insist. I dont have to change to please you. But I know I will, in the near future. All I can say is that, I would not swear against wearing makeup, or against really dressing up real pretty for the one I love. Stuff like these will happen whether I want it or not. I'm not going to be so naive like, "I dont care what people say, I WILL NEVER EVER WEAR MAKEUP cos inner beauty is the most important."

Bullshit. Tell me that 20 years later then.

Anyway I'm out of topic. Yeah so I really do make an effort to treat people who are nice to me with sincerity.

& one more thing, please dont be sad that people find you only when they need you or when they are sad. Because that really means that you mean so much to them that they turn to you rather than someone else. If one person has 20 friends each from primary, secondary, poly/jc and then university, I really doubt he would have enough time in a day of 24 hours to "need" every single one of the friends.

True friends are those you go looking for when you need them or when you are sad. Because sharing those problems have deeper meaning than happy things. Not that they dont like you when they are happy. They probably know that you are happy too.

Well, I dont know if I'm making any sense. But just some thoughts, feel free to share yours with me. :]

Milkkkkk

2010-09-02T12:33:00.002+08:00

Buy HL milk very lol meh? Hahhaahaa I bought the big one yesterday from ShengShiong =D

After I got so pissed I made a wasted trip to SengKang for nothing.

DAMNIT. Really really buay tahan them alr, once I get my stuff, I'll blacklist them and warn every one I know NOT TO EVER EVER EVER buy from them. ==!
Full of excuses, lousy service, bad attitude? And dont wanna refund me my money some more. Blogshops simply cannot be trusted. Period.

I swear to stick to the traditional shopping from now on. Bloody learnt my lesson. zzzzzzzzzzzzzz the price to pay?
$45. Really wanna say that F word!

Hmmmmmmmm

2010-08-26T00:08:00.002+08:00

Anything you wanna tell me, just let me know k. :]

Shit if it wasnt directed at me zzzzzz.

Study plan

2010-08-25T13:12:00.000+08:00

Went back to school yesterday for a 2 hour lecture for fmgt and very much covered all the important topics revision. It was really info overload ugh cos i freaking woke up at 8am, brain was tired. =(

And after that all 10 of us spent like half an hour at the atrium thinking where and what to eat for lunch! Always cannot decide within 30minutes one leh LOL 4 wanted BK at Causeway Point there but 3 want Makan Place and the rest anywhere outside school or anything haha

In the end, see which bus come first to decide for us and suddenly everyone agreed on West Mall lol and just nice 61 came =D

Finally had Burger King!!! =DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Caiyan and Yiling stayed to study, everyone went home.. to sleeeeeeeep

And had to train home which is super expensive but fast enough.

They too tired to stand on the train lol I also wanted to sleeep damn badly.

Reached home and slack all the way alr lo! Expected. Forever distracted at home. 8 hours wasted DAMN sian. I didnt even sleep at all? Waste time ugh sucksssss!
!@$#%&!*@

THATS WHY. I neeeeeed a study plan. And this is how it'll go:
[Dont have to read this, its for personal discipline. Only I can understand what talking me. x)]

Wednesday: Finish all CMA topics covered in Test 1 and 2 (up to Unit 6)
Thursday: Finish all the new chapters taught which is Unit 7 to 12.
Friday: In view that I would not finish CMA in these 2 days, first half of the day will be to go through everything again. & hopefully do ONE past year paper.

Saturday and Sunday: Own time own target. Zzzzz at least finish all CMA past year papers.

Monday: Finish HRM first 4 chapters. To rewrite out every important concept.
Tuesday: Finish HRM at least 3 chapters. And all the tutorials for the 7 chapters which will hopefully be completed!
Wednesday: Finish all the new chapters taught.
Thursday: Do past year papers? And get nervous zzzzzzzzzzzzz!

Friday: 2-4pm HRM FINAL PAPER.
Saturday: 9-11am CMA FINAL PAPER.

GOODLUCK TO ME! BYE!

Acuvue

2010-08-20T23:44:00.003+08:00

I was at http://eyelookgood.com and am really tempted to get contact lens. Really.

I like Acuvue because it's just so damn expensive.

I like Acuvue because I see its advertisements all the time on TV.

I like Acuvue because it just sounds so good.

I like Acuvue because every single person must know what "Acuvue" means.

I like Acuvue because I have not even worn it. At all.

シド「夏恋」

2010-08-19T22:41:00.001+08:00

Still like this song very much even though quite long time ago already. =D

Lets pretend we've never met.

2010-08-18T21:07:00.009+08:00

We're worlds apart.

Cos...

....our minds don't go along the same path, boy.

Why love at first sight always have to be a triangle... Can it be mutual? Pretty please.

It's Changi Airport!

2010-08-17T22:44:00.005+08:00

Met Mavis Cheng Cheng Cheng at Changi Airport Terminal 3 today to studyyyyy! Saw all her classmates cos they were sending their classmate off at Departure Hall and Yu En who is totally shocked to see me LOL.

I took MRT and reached at like 10am lo. Sat at the fountain there, stone and watch kids, read a bit of notes. Went to find Mavis at like 1pm and went to Macs for lunch first and studied for a while there. Then they started playing annoying music so we left in search of a quieter place hehehhe! Which is a small playground ==!

Got bored after finished like 2 chapters which I am half blur about but its okay, must move on hahaha!

The place is like super cold okay! That's why I got restless! Kept disturbing her to move to TCC then she also pekchek then push me LOL
So after finishing my third chapter I got really bored and wanna go home!

But Mavis still had a few more questions to finish up so I kept taking photos lor!

First time upload my camwhore photos OK, appreciate it HAHA

Then disturb her some more LOL she very stress =( but very happy cos got meee!! HAHA

That's all lah! Finally left at 7.40pm! The degree in that place is like 21.9! Freeze to death! Reached home at 9.30pm! Cos uh took 24 to Serangoon lur, 1 hour then change to 315. Can really die uh but fare for 315 was only 7 cents!! Cheap like siao. =D

No more! Read some more uh, I STARE AT YOUUU!

No more! Teehee, um chio-ing cos I was thinking how BAYDEN stare at people ==!

It's Bugis!

2010-08-16T22:40:00.000+08:00

Study session with 10 people. Thats how difficult it is to get a place to study in National Library. But anyway we went to Iluma first for lunch but meeting time was set at 10.45am when the restaurant opens at 11.30am!
Reached there and stone while waiting for the rest to come. Ivan and YuenLing reached first then Weixin followed by ME! Sokfong popped up behind me and we all went to 4th level and spotted Caiyan and Yiling at 2nd level hahah cooool!

So yeah Rebecca arrived later and Jasmine, Jiahan, Wanzhen came after we all seated inside and took half an hour to order food!

I think the food's not bad lah, the waiter was nice you know! I wanted to eat Rebecca's watermelon then I wanted use my spoon to poke it but she dont want then we were fighting a while and I said I just wanna a bit! & suddenly the waiter appear with a small fork and asked if we wanted! LOL embarrassing know! But I was like "Eh he damn sweet lahhhhh we never asked then he give" HAHA

& he kept helping me refill hot green tea! Haha!

Really ordered hell of a lot!

And after that we headed to National Library and I couldnt really concentrate. Kept finding places to study cos there were so many of us! Very unproductive but yeah am trying hard!

This is not me, it's Rebecca!

We all left at around 5.30pm? Reached home and facebook msn etc. Shit man.

Evolve

2010-07-18T18:12:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I feel that when a friend gets a new girlfriend, you lose this friend. Because the girlfriend will get jealous, it difficult to even talk to the person like you used to.

Anyway, Bazaar is over! Business was great, just felt that we totally rip off customers so I'm really grateful for their support! First time business. SUCCESS! =D

Been unconsciously taking photos while doing demo hahaha.

Hate is a strong word

2010-07-11T23:35:00.001+08:00

"I've never really hated anyone. Except only when I loved someone I shouldn't, too much."

Listen to the sad song

2010-07-11T23:21:00.002+08:00

Tell a tale in a song
So far yet always moving on
Have you really moved
Or have you always stayed on the same spot

Unkowingly..

The trees swayed
The leaves fell
The house remains blur
Where is the memory that lingers on

Sigh

2010-06-14T09:03:00.005+08:00

I find this blog irritating again. Anyway,

love.

Crossroad

2010-06-11T10:53:00.003+08:00

Shanghai, no shanghai? Shanghai, no shanghai, shanghai, no shanghai, shanghai, no shanghai, shanghai, no shanghai, shanghai, no shanghai, shanghai, no shanghai, shanghai, no shanghai, shanghai, no shanghai, shanghai, no shanghai, shanghai, no shanghai, shanghai, no shanghai, shanghai, no shanghai, shanghai, no shanghai, shanghai, no shanghai, shanghai, no shanghai, shanghai, no shanghai, shanghai, no shanghai, shanghai, no shanghai, shanghai, no shanghai....... ughh!

Should I go?
1) New people, some of whom I dont really want to make friends with.
2) SGD$1800 plus 1 month's expenses. 18 years of angbao will be gone.
3) This is a very important point but I will not say it.

Ohmygod.
Advantage: Good Exposure
Disadvantage: Compete with 4 GPA people.
Advantage: Lesser modules to take.
Advantage: Learn more about China, which will not be as cheap ever again.
Disadvantage: Cannot choose timetable, lesson and projects with new people again.
Disadvantage: Mandarin fail.
Disadvantage: Homesick?

Koi-ed

2010-06-03T16:47:00.005+08:00

Dont you hate those days that come just once a month but can cause so much destruct?
Yes! I totally hate it. >=

It isn't just being negative, but extremely negative about practically everything. About every small detail that people they themself dont even know that they did. And that can be so unfair. But at the point, you dont care, you just hate them. Bleah.

Oh happy day. Lil sis came back from her school trip to Malacca yesterday and bought stuff back for all of us. Then she was being nice for a while and today got back to cursing everyone in her way with her signature attitude face. What's with all the hatred and unhappiness?

>=

Communication?

2010-06-03T01:19:00.002+08:00

It's a breakdown. And there's no reasons to explain why. We just have to get over it or overlook it. Act like I'm happy. The day will be fine. =)

Wished I had a life. Like happening life. But I'm hardly making an effort. And damn, I still dont have my prepaid topped up.

And I totally forgot to apologise for not being able to go back xinmin to meet my np friends today till benjamin called. Eeps! Really sorry! Just really tired and struggling to manage my time well.

Sometimes

2010-05-30T12:41:00.003+08:00

My legs are cracking. As in, my bones are breaking apart.

Went running at Macritchie with family again, this time I ran a hell of 3km around there. Can really kill me please. & did a super stupid thing cos Dadajie was riding the bike then I was standing on the bike thingy and there was a group of people in front of us. The bell was spoilt so Dadajie asked me to act as the bell which meant that all I had to do was say "Excuse meee". But I went "Ding ding ding ding ding". The group took a while to turn back then they started bursting out in laughter ==

What the hell. Bell? All I know about bells is that they go ding ding ding ding ding. ==

And then I this extra went swimming yesterday with the lil kids and have to extra go finish 5laps which is 10 times to and fro. Usually, I only do 1 to 2 laps, like so stupid when I'm dead tired already. Everytime I kick, my bones crack.

Okay, then I slacked off the entire holidays never study for my Common Test!!!!!!
Projects after projects then play games through the night, watch tv like really holiday. ==

Am I whining? Yes, I am. I'll just stop.

Next I sincerely hope that Angeline Yeo would forgive me for not going to support her. What happened that day was really ughhhhh! All I know is that sometimes friends cant be depended upon all the time and this is the plain reason why boyfriends exist.
Sad x100
Ohya, it was partly because of my mom and just.... unforeseen circumstances. I know I've been pulling this off all the time, but it's definitely not an excuse. I sincerely really wanted to go. =((
Ohmyyyy she's gonna ignore me for another long period =(((

Awesomes

2010-05-24T00:58:00.001+08:00

Am I full of unhappiness? I try to be happy as much as I can. I only blog when I am upset. So this means that I've been happy for quite a while. =)

Over the weekend, I met up with my lil kiddo brother and accidentally found something which I had suspected before but never knew the answer to. It was quite predictable but I was still surprised and just....

..extremely painful.

Now I can firmly convince myself that it's over. Yes it's all over. And it's really too late to turn back.
"Even when we have to end it, we have to end it gracefully."

Also, I went shopping today with Mum. Bought lots of stuff from FaceShop.
Now my left hand's nails look beautiful? HAHA. Wait till you seee it. It's shades of blue. =D

I saw a salesguy. He's really sweet and helpful. Very sincere. His gestures are just shy and it makes him cute yaknow. Just feel comfortable shopping for stuffs when there are helpful salepersons around.
The FaceShop salesgirl was great too, makes me feel confident of my ugly face. LOL

So yeah, too bad never make friends. I'm confident he doesn't smoke.

*frowns

Doubts

2010-05-11T00:02:00.002+08:00

I did my FMGT homework for today's tutorial. A question that most of the class probably left it blank like what I would always do. But surprisingly I understood what the question wants and know how to do it. I got the answer right. But I didnt show it to the class. They probably think I did not do my homework again cos I'm presenting other's answer.

But it's okay. I tell myself I knew how to do it, and I'd probably know how to do it in the exams. So it doesnt matter what others think about me. But.

Why does it still bother me.

Xingzi? Oh that one, who's always late for class, who always never does her homework, who always does last minute stuff. Irresponsible girl she is.

Good points? I cant remember any.

NPTKD

2010-05-01T13:12:00.002+08:00

Yes? No? Yes? No?
Either I use the time to attend korean lessons and learn the piano or anything to do with music or I go for nptkd trainings to train my discipline and stamina while juggling my modules.

Omg opportunity cost opportunity cost!!
This is independence day. Grow up, do everything by yourself, make your own decisions. I should stop acting like a kid.

Projects...
I'll make another milestone in my life. Wenjun is right. Its not everytime that I fail. It's time to start learning, start trying. I'll pick myself up from here.

I tell a story

2010-04-24T00:22:00.000+08:00

No one listens.
=)

Am angry at myself for today. Seem to have lost temper indirectly lots of time. Msn-ed today with Jasmine, Weixin, Rebecca and Sijia. I think I was being negative about our environmental project then shooting my mouth off. UGH. Like I didn't mean it but it just came out like this. Am sincerely hoping they don't get offended by me. Cross my heart.

Mood's bad today. Can't put a finger to it though.

A confession to make

2010-04-22T23:37:00.002+08:00

Well, these days have been really tiring even though its not gonna be as hectic as the weeks to come! I feel that all these are really going to fly pass very quickly, I can already imagine BAOC'11 in my face!! I am so going to treasure every single simple thing that is going to happen in my Year 2.

So recently, I feel like I'm very blessed to have had a group of friends in my polytechnic life. Seriously grateful that everything's turning out alright and conflicts or problems that we faced last year have been overcomed or rather overlooked lol. All these people made my life bearable I guess. You can't believe how different poly is from secondary school! & I'm just glad I chose a different path cos now I get to experience it all. =D It's not too late and I'm still young ;D

A confession to make:
Jasmine
Weixin
Rebecca
Sokfong
Xiuyu
Caiyan
Yiling
Sijia
Yinching
Esther
&Jiahan?

I LOVE YOU ALL! ♥

Back to the days

2010-04-17T22:48:00.002+08:00

Saw what you wrote, but didn't dare to ask you. Are you hating me very much? Didnt even bother to say hi? I've stopped trying. Stopped trying to act like an idiot in front of you again and again.

Cant wait to forget you, bc. =)

OTTO!

2010-04-16T16:15:00.004+08:00

It's been a busy weeek recently with BAOC'10 freshmen orientation camp going on and all the post celebration outings. Yeah I bet that really change your mind of me?! Like GL? Xingzi? GL? Ohmygod.

But thats true also, I behaved more like a freshie. Other than being over enthusiastic, I couldnt really lead the cheers or behaved like I knew what I was doing. But it's over now, in a blink of an eye. Post celebration chalet for Ottomans is over too.

It was really great, the times we spent together, especially the night BAOC ended where we were all singing songs together in the classroom. Some of the friendship songs we chose really related so well that I felt so upset that this experience was going to turn into just a memory. Just like how the times I spent in Xinmin all turned into just a memory, which would not happen again..

Anyway, I am so going to miss all this fun very much. I suppose my life's great at this point except for a few disappointing incidents here and there.

Poly's different, it doesn't just consist of guys who sincerely wants to make friends. 80% of guys are dissing girls who aren't pretty enough. Is that shameful or not? =)

Keep it safe

2010-03-29T00:16:00.002+08:00

Finished 10 episodes of Autumn's Concerto in 4 days? 1 episode watch 2 hour lol. Dont feel like watching the last episode. I dont want it to end! It's like the most serious and touching drama, rather than comedy type. =(

Keep it shut

2010-03-17T18:50:00.006+08:00

Lose contact forever? If that's what you want, what can I do?

Korean Fangirl Alert!!!

2010-03-13T01:26:00.007+08:00

Awwww im damn sad now. I feel I really have to share this "burden" with someone or it'll kill me. Really. I'm like talking in korean language now, those words that are more familiar to me.

I just finished this series "Mnet Scandal" awwwww im gonna cry! Anyway, its actually a reality show (either scripted or not) that match a celebrity and a non-celebrity together and date for 1 week, then at the end they decide whether they want to continue meeting each other.
Of the many that I've watched, I seriously loved Choi JongHun's a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot....

Cos they just match each other so perfectly!!! It's like they look so much more suitable for each other than any other couples I've watched!! Their chemistry is also the damn best!! Or is it Jonghun is just damn charming?! And it's white hair !!! !!!

I cant explain my exaggerated LOVE for white hair! Ever since "Sky of Love". I swear any kind of white hair just makes me faint. Did GDragon started the trend for white hair? But he looks drop dead gorgeous in any hair anyway. :DDD

I swear upon my life that you wont regret watching Choi Jonghun's episode. Really. If no time for videos, I found High Quality photos for it!!

HERE!!!

The girl is really pretty and sweet and pure and yeahhhh like GaEul in Boys over Flowers. Their face match each other already! A show worth your time REALLY!

OH SERIOUSLY. I'M REALLY SUPER UPSET OVER THE ENDING. I REALLY HOPE THEY SECRETLY MEET EACH OTHER. IM LIKE IN LOVE WITH JONGHUN. HE'S SUPER SWEET AND FRIENDLY AND CHARMING!!!

Howmanytimeshaveisaidthis?!?!

It is the best couple I've ever watched. It's the best, it's too fairytale, too perfect, and very heartbreaking. (when you see jonghun upset at the ending)

T.T T.T T.T T.T T.T T.T T.T T.T T.T T.T T.T T.T T.T T.T T.T T.T T.T T.T T.T T.T T.T T.T T.T T.T T.T

2010-03-12T12:18:00.003+08:00

Something new

2010-03-10T22:42:00.002+08:00

Facebook is wonderful isnt it?
You get to see people you dont dare to talk to and who'll never talk to you again.

11th

2010-03-09T23:44:00.001+08:00

A Friend's Confession. Heard it a long time ago but like it now. :D
Maybe cos of JoKwon, joker haha have you watched "We Got Married"?

These few days... was in HELL LOT of pain! I seriously swear my cause of death would be Childbirth! Think of that 9 months of pain all added up man!

Went to school for baoc 10 meeting and bump into Desmond on the bus. Stun man.
Saw all my girlfriends :D Chatted, had ice breakers and rushed home to send my relatives off.

Cos my aunt and cousin came over to visit from Malaysia for the weekend. Ate good foood! Went into a shop and tried on all the colours of the nail polish testers. Eye shadows, liners, lipsticks all also try. LOL Sis tried dresses for her upcoming many many interviews.

Oh and if you were wondering about her results, she got 4As!! + GP and PW, that's 6As. Whoa man, Angeline, Mavis and Debbie work hard GOOD LUCK! HAHA
Anyway, I'm sure they'll get 4As, it's like so many people can get 4As, how come so easy??!

Never included

2010-03-02T13:10:00.003+08:00

Never included never included!

No point hanging on a cliff! Just freaking leave it alone!
SELFISH!! If not for the selfishness!! If not for it...

Even so, it will never be my turn.. yet.. never. not even talking. not even understanding.
so.
who is it again?

25th feb post-happiness entry

2010-02-28T23:16:00.003+08:00

Does the picture says it all? It tells of all the memories I've had in my Year 1 in NgeeAnn :D which is more than a thousand words and consists of words which cannot even portray my feelings :D

Ups, downs, everything, its all over. My GPA is screwed for this semester too. I reap what I sow, right.

Being over-reflective recently.. Just.. thinking and feeling anti-social.

Nobody can appreciate weird thoughts.

Like sugar

2010-02-23T22:45:00.002+08:00

If the girl loves you instead of your best friend, will you still let her go?

The greatest test would be whether you are willing to give up the person you love to the person he/she loves.

True?

Take a breath

2010-02-22T21:37:00.000+08:00

Hmm I was wondering how many couple rings can one person own or do you throw away each after every broken relationship? Thats a lot of money thrown away man. I'll probably keep all and wear on all my fingers for fun :)

Yeah, I think im gonna ask hl about it. LOL, sure scold me but nevermind.

Had IT in Business paper last Saturday and I saw all of them!! Jasmine still as high as ever, I wanna go her house mahjong sooooon! Rebecca wore heels but still shorter than me hahhaa. Weixin is happy go lucky when Sokfong damn worried hahaha. Yc extra only, no need mention.
Hahaha.

Watched this yesterday with Mom on tv, she said it was a horrible show. But the twist at the end was shiok :D
The love between Alex Fong and Stephy Tang damn sweeeet! He loves her!!

ALEX FONG DAMN SHUAI! :D

Magic trix

2010-02-19T21:52:00.003+08:00

Must.not.bejeweled.or.facebook.or.msn.or.stone.anymore.

Went night cycling yesterday to erm Punggol Park by the montfort way then Hougang Mall then Hougang Point and Home @ 1.30am. Watch show, slept at 3.30am.

Will your face just swim away from my mind till 25th Feb.

When it's mutual

2010-02-18T17:16:00.001+08:00

Moody is a feeling you experience when you are so sad you cant drop tears.
-xingzi :)

I experienced it you know.

The best feeling in the world. & I never knew. It happened when I just turned 13.
Is it too late to realise it now? To realise it when I have lost it.

也许我们当时年级真的太小。

Mutual

2010-02-18T01:41:00.002+08:00

Sorry, was being mooody.

Just came back from Malaysia yesterday night. & just.. didn't feel like talking to anyone or "socialising".

"Hi, im BACK!" and stuffs like that.

Just moody and tired, watching korean shows to laugh, writing a diary entry with Chapter 1 all about him, and the rest of the chapters the usual reflections on my CNY trip. Done it every year, and mom threw some entries away while cleaning the house.

Been busy trying to recount the whole afternoon and im still on it. :)

So anyway, HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR ALL OF YA :D
I've received sweet texts from the usual you peepo and a few unusuals :D
But it was really goood, the first time I come back with such heartwarming response, every year was like cooool and quiet hehe :D

My expected Valentines didnt turn up (yeah, i have some in malaysia too) but as long i know the reason why or maybe im assuming why, its OK. Like Lin Da Lang but I waited at the basketball court, not ferris wheel, and he didnt turn up too! hahaha. Just sad that I didnt get to see him this time lah, cos we go longkai every year. & everyone's partners on the motorbike change but not mine, never mine.
Dont have to think too far. & yeah the rest are gonna be in my diary alrightyy.

Alright shall put some pictures up as teasers cos im really lazy to put the other 350 (isnt this sentence common in every blog?) BUT, seriously! I'm like brokenhearted now okayyy :(

Spot the ferrero rochers! Haha sweet~

Not exactly new clothes?

And a TIGER for the tiger year!

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA :D

Burn it away

2010-02-17T21:46:00.003+08:00

If birthdays were just dates, I'd probably won't feel so upset and disappointed.

But birthdays actually mean whether a friend cares. & the ways and means they wish you a happy birthday mean how much they care.
If I ever were to not wish you happy birthday, I doubt I forgot about it.

It was probably on purpose.

Angeline is 18!!

2010-02-13T01:09:00.001+08:00

Yesterday was Angeline's legal 18th! My beloved! *hearts

I felt that time and distance were pulling us apart, each of us busy and stuff. Should I say the feeling was different, we just ain't childish and crazy anymore. I wonder if thats a good thing.

But alas, time waits for no man. To put it simply, we've aged (and matured). I felt that I didnt do enough to make her happy today. It's like, I was planning crazy things and to make her touched by doing things that normal people dont do. But I guess, it was normal. A meal.

Probably not even 3/4 as good as her other groups of friends.
Hope that we can make up for it soooon.

Really sooooon.

:(

Emo again

2010-02-12T22:52:00.001+08:00

Credit to xiuyu>tumblr

I'm leaving.

WHAAAT

2010-02-11T23:56:00.003+08:00

WHOEVER GOES JOGGING LIKE AT THIS TIME IN THE NIGHT?

THAT LAME DES.
MIGHT AS WELL GO ANGELINE'S HOUSE WITH ME!

No lah, I didnt asked him LOL. He didnt pangseh me or what. But why must tomorrow be a schoolday??! I could go over her house and surprise her rightttttt *pouts

Anyway, that reminds me, gotta call her soon. Hope she's still awake.

Regretlah

2010-02-11T22:00:00.001+08:00

cabbedzxsbyiewelowejdaelakliszzzzz to school this morning ==

It was the amount at which I could have gotten my prepaid card and a lesson that was not really worth rushing for.

I bombed the concession again today I think. Ngeeann > CCK > Bugis > Yishun > Home.
Total: 8 rides lol.

Dadajie was damn damn late today lah, shopping with her is a torture lah. But we got a denim vest thingy and earrings. She didn't want to buy me the bracelet! Very pretty you know :(

Towards zero

2010-02-10T18:13:00.004+08:00

Today,

2010-02-10T02:14:00.001+08:00

one. I dont want to be an otaku anymore.

two. I like someone who speaks cantonese :)

Was supposed to sleep before 12am. Good effort anyway.

Business statistics

2010-02-08T23:24:00.002+08:00

..is killing me~

Really need to concentrate, seriously. Why did I waste my whole day on the Bejeweled bling bling thingz on facebook?

My eye hurts now.

This is like my fifth blog. If I'm dissatisfied with the format of my posts again, I'll be creating another blog again. *raises eyebrows

Bata inspired

2010-02-08T01:33:00.002+08:00

Got new heels today. Awesome or what? I actually bought heels, for the fun of it.

The feeling was even better when mom agreed to it. & paid for it.

Now, hoping I can get through with it for the new year with no ankle ache or whatsoever. Hohoho.

Hi, I'm Xingzi :)

2010-02-06T23:37:00.003+08:00

I had the inspiration to blog this afternoon.
& why do I feel this blogskin doesn't suit me UGH!