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Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating
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Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Mixed feelings xingzilah @ 1:44 PM Saturday, July 9, 2011
July is disappearing fast! So many things that I did but no time to take them down in words. Finally watched a movie with Weixin Xiuyu Sijia Sokfong! It's like a promise fulfilled and it makes me indescribably happy. Anyway, I think I am a complete failure. I just fail at practically everything. Did not made my polytechnic life as happening as I wanted it to be and now its just full of regrets.. Cultivated so many bad habits that made me question whether I am what I made myself out to be. I am nothing amazing. It's not even an ego problem now. I don't know. Drank Ding Tea and I thought about the many things that happened in Shanghai. So full of memories; so many new friendships made and precious ones lost. It's just amazing when I think about the many things that happened in SH that made me so happy. -I think the favorite memory that I would choose out of so many many many many many..... is the scene where Clint, Jasmine and I watched the sunrise from the window of the toilet cubicle at the guy's dorm. It was very much unplanned and so many incidents pre-empted this sunrise which I watched with blurry eyes. I felt an unexplained strong bond and gratefulness for them just being there. That moment was immeasurable. xingzilah @ 11:38 PM Sunday, June 5, 2011
Stop thinking xingzilah @ 12:32 PM Monday, May 30, 2011
Some things..... Sometimes you feel so wretched! But you don't know how to express it! I am screaming now. Helplessly. ...............Can you hear? Sometimes I don't know whether to do it or not to do it. Sometimes when you start doing it, nobody accepts it. Sometimes you can only watch while others do what they want. Sometimes not everyone agree with you. Sometimes you never manage to convince them your reason. Sometimes it just doesn't turn out wrong sometimes. It is...... always. And I can never do anything about anything. I am a failure. And I can only watch on. Watch on. xingzilah @ 10:26 PM Saturday, May 7, 2011
Saw something It's like once in a while you will have this feeling that you've lost in a game that you wanted to achieve something in. But after that certain things will appear again to make you look forward to. Then after a while, it's over and then....lost again. And I have to keep looking out for it and count the things that I already have and ask whether is it enough. What can I choose from the choices that I have in front of me after losing some of the choices that I have ranked first. This is what I hate about social media. You find out too many things. I wanna live in a cave and be oblivious to everything else that is happening so fast. Too fast. Sooooo many things to do! I wish I can just chuck them aside. I feel so out of breath and it's only the third week. Guess I haven't been training enough in the holidays. But last semester in school..... Why do I feel like there's so many things I have not done yet and there's no time to complete everything! I am going to live with so many regrets~ xingzilah @ 7:44 PM Saturday, April 23, 2011
Listener xingzilah @ 2:10 PM Monday, April 18, 2011
Breakups are the most painful. Being single is so full of freedom. You don't have to report what you are doing to anyone, you don't have to be responsible for anyone. I think it feels great to be like this because of all my irregular hours of free time for socialising although it feels painful to be alone sometimes. Sitting in the bus, hoping to have a shoulder to lie on. But when I'm all tired, I really want to be alone. Who can be like this for me? To be toyed as and when I need them. I don't ask for anyone to suffer for me. I can endure the loneliness. I hope for all my friends who are in the transition of breaking up. Be strong. xingzilah @ 11:51 PM Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Dream On. I wanna earn 1.5k at least!! Hahahah dream on. To see you? I will dream on. Blessed be he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed. -Alexander Pope Went to see doctor today. Cos constipation and I finally got my pimple cream!! Yeah major achievement, cos I really needed it badly. The doctor still tell me mine super mild. No Way! But she very friendly. :D Work was fun today, it was like secondary school all over again cos Cindy and I were passing post-its to each other across the office table. I will miss her so badly after her last day tomorrow. Omg & Cappuccino really shiok. I will miss it the most after I leave work. Will take many many pictures tomorrow, so yeah show you what I've been doing these 2 weeks. Tsk! Victor damn niceeeeeeeeee. Cos he sends his part-timers home teehee. K thats all. Oh ya went to school yesterday for BAOC preparation and learnt 3 dances!! Damn cool. I love to learn dancing, but love teaching more. Cant wait for the real thing. K that's all. I've not listened to Jrock for damn long, am listening to it now and very overwhelming. 'm touched by the song all over again. &&& I really really love Angeline very very much!!! Hope she gets overseas scholarship!!! & Mavis too cos she wanna treat me to e-awards concert this saturday! My whole heart super overwhelming now, maybe before sleep will cry a bit. Really. That feeling, when you start working, you really start missing and cherishing your friends and family a lot. No words can explain how much I love the 2 of them. & Huiling. The secondary 1 bonds really so strong. xingzilah @ 11:17 PM Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Emails emails.. Yeah. That feeling. Been disappointed over some rejections but one application finally got approved!! But I don't know what to do now, scared to move on. Omg. I'll be crazy to stop it now. ANYWAY, yesterday was first day of office job at the Central Square. Really boring until can die, why? Cos there's no freedom to move around and do anything that you like. It's like your every breath and swallowing of saliva can be heard cos the office is super quiet. I almost fell asleep but money is worth it. I work for the money. For now lah, that is. Oh man, I feel damn bad for not going school to help out in the baoc preparations =( but am seriously tired and feeling sick. Like headache then whole body no energy. Work whooooole day in freezing air con place then I fell sick. I wonder if I can hold out till 15th April. =/ Oh and I almost submitted this picture for the job application for Frolick LOL  P.s. You know this photo as taken by my sis cos I was practicing my smile for the passport photo! ==! xingzilah @ 1:51 PM Monday, March 14, 2011
First day with new Samsung Galaxy..... Yes! It's not Samsung Galaxy S! Just MINI! But still, good enough that I got 3G and Wifi! :D Anyway the past week has been hectic, schedule packed fully from morning till night all the way till Tuesday or Wednesday I think. Still packing activities in! So anyway I was at BAOC Group 7's bonding camp from 7th March till 10th March at Changi Village and it was damn awesome! We had steamboat finale!  My group Slyvester! We were super zai for every games I think, especially Amazing Race on the third day! Super fun to be with! ♥♥♥  My family! ♥♥♥♥♥♥ haha very extended family tree! I'm the youngest!  Some of the girls! Alexia, Germaine, Debra, Me and Eileen! ♥♥  & more people squeeze in to take photo together! ♥♥  Full group photo! with many missing people though! ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Omg, really best camp I went for (although sports camp would be best if I did went). I was feeling tired most of the time and they were all Year 1s! So yeah, they were really nice too and I achieved a secret mission that I told myself I must do before I went! So the feeling after I came home is like shiok! Reached home at like 1pm after walking around Tampines with Esther mama and we chatted a lot on the bus! Then I watched 3 episodes of Dream High, unpacked everything. Friday 11th March, went for work at Tuas, got freaking stucked in jam and reached Joo Koon only at 9.30am. So yeah did the surveys, ended at 1pm and got a lift to Clarke Quay. I was suppose to head to Far East Plaza to sign the contract thing at 3.30pm so I can get my pay. So I slowly strolled the streets, bought Gong Cha at Scape and reached just nice at 3.20pm. Left at 4pm and went to Rosyth School to apply for relief teacher! But I think I got rejected, maybe shall go try Zhonghua haha Accomplished so many things in one day, really tired like dog. Saturday 12th March had to go for a briefing at SIM Namly Ave for the entreprenuer interviewing assignment 10am to 12pm. After that I met Mavis at the real SIM, beside NP for the open house! A lot free popcorn! Then we went to listen in on Psychology and Sociology, but I kind of fell asleep cos eyelids really damn heavy. Then we left at 5pm? Didn't sleep when I went home some more, and watched tv with the kids. Sunday had to go back to school again for the Melrose Children's Home briefing at 11am. Like crap, my transport fare really $20 gone. Anyway, we did some modifying to some of the games and played a lot ice breaker in the SUN!!! Heatstroke seriously! But was fun, cos everyone damn happy :D Had macs with Jasmine, Jiahan, Yuanling, Rebecca, Esther, Sijia, Xiuyu, Yinching :D Photos are not with me, but in Jiahan's new DSLR! Then I went to Bishan met my family and got the Samsung Galaxy MINI! So yeah, reached home slept 3 hours, need to wake at 8am again tml for the actual event! Activities packed like siao! Goodness, even worse than exams, more tiring and my legs kind of broke after the camp cos we ran from Marina Bay MRT to Raffles MRT. =( BUT I LOVE MY LIFE NOW, EXCITING LIKE MAD, CHIONGING FOR JOBS! BYE! xingzilah @ 12:35 AM Friday, March 4, 2011
Last day! x] Ahhhhhh, no mood no mooooood Show you cute shanghai boy. ♥  I look hideous in comparison ==! xingzilah @ 12:13 AM |
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But baby, where they knock you down and out
Is where you oughta stay |